Although it is supposed to be in the eye of the beholder, when I type "beauty" in a search engine, what comes up the most are websites and blogs about women's hair, makeup, and fashion. Those things definitely have something to do with it, but isn't beauty so much more than that? Wikipedia defines beauty as, "a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure or satisfaction." Hmmmm...a perceptual experience of pleasure. There's that beholder idea I was looking for.
This captures my feeling last week as I addressed a group of young people with disabilities at a conference called, "On Your Way." These young men and women were beautiful - keen, enthusiastic, hopeful, and optimistic. The topic they asked me to speak to was self-advocacy, and I spoke about the 5 tools I felt one needs in order to be strong and assertive in a world that is not designed for, or often friendly to people with disabilities. When I announced my first tool, Self-Worth, I knew I had struck a chord when I looked at several conference-goers and saw deep-seated emotion: grateful smiles, acknowledging nods, and painful tears. I told them that self-worth is the most important tool they could carry because in this life there may not always be someone who is there to remind them about how great they are, and how they are worth fighting for. From those smiles, nods, and tears that I saw as I spoke, I think they heard me when I urged them to cultivate a value for themselves that is not dependent on the opinion of others, to work hard on the belief that they are beautiful, valuable people, especially during the inevitably difficult times that will come their way.
Trouble is, this is easier said than done. And more trouble is, everyone I have ever known has struggled with this at some point(s) in their life, and this struggle has also been, and continues to be mine. One way I know that helps at least for me, is taking care of myself. For a lot of reasons, I am only learning now, at 43 years old, to do this. I have not, to use an Oprah-ism, been good at putting myself on the list. For me, taking care of my mind and spirit means many things, including, writing, counselling, music, gratitude, meditation, reading, prayer, and spending time with positive, loving folks. Taking care of my body includes: recuperative sleep, showering, eating well, moving my body, breathing deeply, having a wheelchair that actually fits and works, giving time and energy to healing old and new injuries, and paying attention to my hair and the clothes that I wear. None of this is easy, either for me or for anyone else I know, especially those with disabilities because we are living in a world where disabilities are usually far from considered valuable, and are much more often seen as deviant, repulsed, abnormal, avoided, bodies and minds to be deeply feared.
Let me be perfectly clear about one last thing in a blog entry that is already likely too lengthy: the young people I had the privilege to speak to are not beautiful in spite of their disabilities. They are not beautiful in spirit or because of their bravery, or other such stereotypical nonsense that just skirts around the truth. Because the truth is they are beautiful because they are, because they are a part of this world, because of their genuine selves, because of their fascinating, authentic, and often complicated bodies and minds that can be both undeniably weak but amazingly strong. Wikipedia offers further historical insight into beauty that speaks to this: "The Koine Greek's etymological version [of beauty] comes from the word hōra, meaning "hour." So, in Koine Greek, beauty was thus associated with "being of one's hour."6] "Thus, a ripe fruit was considered beautiful, whereas a
young woman trying to appear older or an older woman trying to appear
younger would not be considered beautiful."
wishing you peace and contentment in your own authentic hour,
hk
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty
Some interesting and admirable sites you may want to check out:
http://disabledbeauties.tumblr.com
http://meloukhia.net/2012/10/disability_as_beauty.html
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